If I am asked what kind of partner I would choose – a smart one or a beautiful one, I will tell you “one who has accepted himself truly and authentically.” Once again – accepting yourself truly as you are, all aspects of you and all the spectrums of your colors – not only what you consider radiant and joyful, but absolutely everything – all your fears, sorrows, troubles, but of course, all your strengths and positive sides. This is about being honest with yourself, this is about true freedom.

I will note that not accepting yourself for who you are is an extremely common phenomenon in the gay world. The desire of gays to constantly do something to themselves – inject steroids so that their biceps are bigger than their head, inject Botox, dye their hair or nails, etc. – this is a cry about not accepting themselves as they really are, as they are. And all these prides are a subconscious cry for help “look, I am alive, I exist, I exist, I am.” This is a subconscious cry to mommy "Mom, look, I'm alive, I have the right to be the way I want to be!" But in reality, what guys do to themselves during such prides, like putting on fancy pink dresses, other women's clothes or something like that, has nothing to do with their true self-identification. They just put on masks of those images that the modern gay world offers them, takes them away from their real selves, and instead of getting to know themselves and deepening the focus of attention inside themselves, they arrange these "games for show".

Why does this happen? Because gays were often raised by a strong dominant mother who always "knew what was best" and did not really take into account the opinion of little Peter or Michael, no matter what they called him, it does not change the essence. The result is the same - this guy grew up so humiliated in childhood, his opinion was so ignored by the powerful woman-mother, who took on the dominant functions in the family, that he is crushed at the root and does not even understand where so much aggression towards the world around him and the need to constantly push himself forward, to prove that he has the right to life, including through such aggressive, shocking, screaming performances at "parades". But in fact, this is a childish cry of his inner child "Mom, look, I have the right to live!" But when he was little, he was too afraid of his mother to tell her this directly. Now our hero has grown up, he already has the right to do absolutely everything he wants, because he is an adult and a free person. But alas, the traumatized childhood state has not gone away, but has become a heavy burden in the psyche/body and harshly and aggressively “signals” at the slightest attempt to “limit the rights” of such a person. That is why mass gay propaganda so actively “plays” on the topic of “violation of gay rights”, because this is their most painful spot and it is easy to stir up aggression and hatred in a 30-40-50 year old person who has not yet emerged from that childhood trauma provoked by his mother / grandmother / teacher or another aggressive dominant figure (it could even be an older brother / sister, a person from the environment who was present in the childhood of our dear Peter or Michael.

But this is one aspect of the problem. And the second is that the mother or another figure who so harshly suppressed such a guy in childhood, instilled in him that what he feels / thinks / how he wants to act is “wrong” and he must act differently. It is important to act the way this dominant figure thinks. It turns out that a reflex is formed in a child from childhood - everything he thinks / wants / desires is a priori and initially wrong and at first you need to get approval from a person from the outside. As a result, even after decades, he has not formed a clear position in life, he does not know who he is and what he wants, and it is very easy to control his opinion, because critical thinking is absent, it was destroyed and "pushed through" from childhood.

I will note that in modern societies in general they cultivate a "cult of parents" and their "supernaturality". As a result, such a boy is instilled with the theme of parents specialness and supernaturalness by society and his parents (who are so afraid of dying alone, and who need someone to sponsor them in old age). Oh, you decided to disobey your father / mother? How dare you, I am your mother. And other nonsense of people with a big Ego and a lot of pain inside, who deep down believe that if they created you, then they have the authority to control your life and somehow forcibly change it the way they see fit, and not the way you want it, and in fact you have complete freedom of choice.

If at 30 you still voluntarily transfer the authority to manage your life to your parents and in fact YOU DO NOT WANT TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for your life, then you should not blame your parents. Our life is the result of a complex of our choices.

In fact, those who sincerely wanted to separate have already separated. Those who have not started Life and live a rather difficult and oppressive life under the supervision of their parents despite their 25-35-40 years, this is in fact their subconscious choice, whether they are ready to admit it to themselves or not.

So, which partner should you choose? Smart or beautiful? For me, the answer is an adult who has accepted himself and separated from his parents. Why? Because, as long as an adult subject considers himself as an extension of his parents, a little son of his mommy and daddy (even without realizing it), he will not be able to love. And if he has physically separated from his parents, but the internal figure of the “supervising mommy” is still strong, he will, in principle, constantly seek out strong dominant people in his environment, whom to listen to and whose lead to follow. And when the “cup of patience” overflows and the dose of external “burden” on such a person is overflowing, he will simply explode and he will start to aggressively attack everyone in a row without stopping, as if in a state of agony, or he will hit the addiction - alcohol, cigarettes, in order to somehow reduce the level of internal hatred towards himself for his weakness and inability to express his opinion.

And in you, in his partner, he will NOT see, ACTUALLY, YOU. He will see anything, but not you. He will see in you a person to whom he can make his internal claims, a person, a person on whom he can shift responsibility for his life, a person whom he can reproach for his problems, although in fact he created these problems in his life subconsciously himself. It is almost impossible to build a relationship with such an “adult child” ... And let's stop and look at ourselves ... And am I (You) not completely or partially such a child? It's about being honest with yourself and wanting to grow, learn and create a better version of yourself every day. Even deeper into knowing your true self, even more quality, comfortable and enjoyable results in real life.

So, smart or beautiful? Adult, formed, holistic from having accepted himself. An adult with emotional intelligence. By the latter, I mean that a person can be in a state of observation and track his spontaneous emotional reactions that arise. If some triggers occur in the outside world, he can see and track that his suddenly stirred up panic, aggression, hysteria, resentment, etc. inside is not about you, it is about himself and his insides. BUT THIS CONCERNING YOU TOO! And first of all, you! Because a partner is your mirror, whether you like it or not. And if your person starts doing something destructive in relation to himself or you, do not look for fault in him. Stop and admit to yourself... and what actions of mine did I provoke such a situation and such behavior of a person close to me?

Why not about you, as a partner? Because that's how our human psyche works, as soon as we "fall in love" (although in fact, what 70% of people experience has nothing to do with true love and is just compensation for psychological trauma at the expense of each other and when people "well, let's compromise and agree to coexist on the same territory out of fear of loneliness" or something like that)... so, when we "fall in love", our partner simply becomes a victim of the projections of our psyche - he is chosen by our subconscious as a projection of both mom, and dad, and brother, and sister, whom you always wanted, but your parents did not make her for you, and a teacher, and a dictator, and a savior, and a boss, and a child, and and and...

A delightful salad of emotions is formed in our psyche at this moment. You begin to feel/experience/sense anything in relation to a person, but not love. Expectations, jealousy, claims, discontent - all this.

In fact, the story is about being yourself from the very beginning. After all, two people meet and want to show their “best” sides, masks are so beautiful and sweet. From the point of view of society, you need to be friendly, from the point of view of religion - kind, and parents taught you to be helpful and blah blah blah ... as a result, a person manifests himself not as he really is, but as, ACCORDING TO HIS SYSTEM OF BELIEFS, a “good person” should manifest himself ... but you can live like this for a day, two, a week, a month ... and then what?

And then the masks come off and people realize and wonder “who are they even living with”? And “who is this person”, because when “we met, you were completely different” ... yes, different ... he was behind the mask, and you “bought” the mask, selling the person your mask.
And by and large, there are no right and guilty.

It's just that one of the partners or both did not have the courage and bravery to be themselves initially and shone into the world not with their true state, attracting the energy of the truth of themselves and the sincerity of who they are, truly their partners, but attracting the same "lovers of masks" and double standards, who, in turn, are afraid to be themselves and simply constantly lie to other people about who they really are, playing roles.

Senseless and filled with fear of accepting themselves and being themselves.
And all these gay parades, when men wear pink dresses or other wild outfits, this is also about the fact that "I do not accept my masculine nature and apply to myself a false image of a woman (in fact, subconsciously - my dominant mother, who from childhood crushed all his masculinity and guts in a young gay boy). And all these endless plastic surgeries, injections, ear piercings and other body parts, tattoos, self-mutilation in the gym to the point of exhaustion, protein, steroids, which have already completely destroyed the system of neurohumoral regulation of this poor guy - all this is about the lack of self-acceptance, about the fact that a person experiences a worm-eaten deep disgust for who he really is.

He hates himself. And if you hate yourself, the only feeling you can experience in relation to other people is hatred.

So what kind of partner are we going to choose, girls, boys? Smart, handsome or self-accepting? Happiness to all!

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*Quote from the song by S. Lazarev "Why has love been invented".